How to get along with the 'rude' French people.

This is often something I hear from many of my friends, acquaintances, colleagues and general people I meet almost exclusively from the UK.  I can't think of a more typical stereotype about the French people on how rude they are. What astonishes me is people who have never been in France also take it upon themselves to warn potential visitors about the 'rude French' which makes me laugh.

Truth is, there are rude people all over the world, in every country and city. No matter where you are if you are rude, they will be rude back. That's just a given, and France is no exception. There is no universal definition of rudeness. Something which is rude in your culture may not be in another, and vice versa.

Politeness and respect


These are the absolute key words when talking to French people. All conversations with strangers in France depends on this."When in Rome, do as the Romans do" should be your go-to phrase when in any country or place of different culture. When in France, that means you should make an effort to speak French. No one expects you to be fluent in French, but knowing a few key words and phrases will get you a long way.

• Bonjour - Hello
• Excusez moi - Excuse me
• Merci - Thank you
• Savez vous ou est la Tour Eiffel - Do you know where the eiffel tower is?
• Au revoir / Bonne journee / Bonne soiree - Goodbye / Good day / Good evening
• Parlez-vous anglais? -  Do you speak English?
• Pouvez-vous m'aider s'il vous plait? - Could you please help me?

 Parisians have a very limited attention span and I guarantee you if you learn and use these words and sentences, they will be more than happy in helping you. The last thing you want to do is doing is tapping someone on the shoulder and say "Hey, do you know where the Louvre is?" You wouldn't want a tourist doing this to you and listen to them yammering away in Spanish or Chinese, right?

Another common mistake that British people do is talk to French people in the informal tense. I personally blame the schools on how they teach it. In France, their are two ways of saying the word "You", the formal - Vous and the informal way - Tu. Because of the practicality, it is easier to learn the french language in the informal way. This is something weird to many British people but that's the way the British people use to talk, very formally and not so long ago. So when asking a French person, it is not unusual for a British person to say "Comment t'appelles tu? (What's your name?) and get a rude or a not very engaged response. Instead one should ask "Comment appelez vous? / Comment vous vous appelez? (What is your name?) This is a more polite and respectful way of asking and will be more willing in giving a genuine response.

Although English is the main international language, it is far from the only one and the French knows this (French being the second most important language in the world for the moment). Generally, you will get by with English, but you should use whatever French you can first, by learning the words above. Traveling is about learning, experiencing and immersing yourself in a different culture and enjoying it, correct? (Maybe Karl Pilkington has a different opinion about this).

Related to this, is what we call the "ugly American" syndrome - you know, the ones who goes around yelling everyone in English, denouncing everyone and everything French. It's very annoying. A bit like seeing a stag do, yelling down the street in town. Showing respect for another culture means enjoying what it has to offer, rather than searching for signs of one's own home. The French are very patriotic and proud of their language, culture and country and to be honest quite rightly so. If you are respectful of their culture and heritage, they will respond very kindly to you.

Rude French?

Another aspect of the French myth is often a misunderstanding of the French personality. Smiling is considered friendly when meeting and talking to strangers and indeed it is. People from many cultures smile when meeting new people, and American and British in particular smile a lot, in order to be friendly. The French, however don't smile unless they mean it (of course they will most likely smile when you introduce yourself and vice versa), and they don't smile a lot when talking to a perfect stranger. Therefore, when Americans or British smiles a lot at a French person during a conversation whose face remains neutral and impassive, they feel that they are unfriendly and rude and makes them wonder "How hard is it to smile back?" "How rude!"

In summary, if you make an effort to be polite and respectful in the way you ask your question to French people. So that means asking them a question in the formal way using the word Vous instead of Tu (refer to the sentences above), and showing respect for French culture, and if you avoid taking it personally when your smile isn't returned, you'll have a hard time finding the "rude French." In fact you will be pleasantly surprised to discover how very friendly and helpful they really are.

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